you wanna know what else would thrill me to pieces? if i had been able to sleep until 8:45 this morning in my warm cozy bed with the 10 pound comforter.
"well, why didn't you?", one might be tempted to ask.
to which, my reply might be something along the lines of, "well i would have had some cunt-licking fuckwad not wandered down the street and decided to help himself to the contents of my vehicle."
yep, that's right folks. had you ventured down 3rd* street this morning around, oh, i don't know, 6:30 or so, you would have stumbled upon a snarling creature with long messy hair and dark rimmed eyes, intermittently spouting off sinister sounding (but otherwise unintelligible) phrases and just standing there, a shivering, seething ball of hatred.
you might have listened to your inner voices when they screamed, "run away! before it eats you!" or you might have been dumb enough to venture closer for a better look. those dumb among you might have then thought to yourself, "hey! that looks oddly like miss liz!" and you would have been correct. it bore every semblance of me. but it wasn't. it was what happens to miss liz upon finding out that her beloved annabelle has been brutally beaten and raped.
not only was my shit flung all over the sidewalk, my printer laying in the street, a huge gaping hole in the dash, but those wonderful bastards had been kind enough to bust out the one remaining window that worked.
to add insult to injury, it took the police over a half an hour to go the one block, literally, from their station to my building.
and there's absolutely nothing i can do. the perpetrators won't be caught. they'll continue on with their dastardly ways.
and i? i get the joy of filing a claim and paying the deductible, all because i had the audacity to park outside my building.
* come on now. did you really think i'd give my real street?
3 comments:
i'm hoping annabelle is your car's name.
which brings me to this: you named your car?
of course i named my car. i name every car. the first car that i spent any serious time in was my mother's when i got my license. it is a blue camry and her name is taryn. my first car was a silver 99 honda civic and his name was lord byron. and then this car, a green 00 honda civic.
i like how you differentiate between the sexes of the cars. it's obviously not the make that's the difference. so, how do you tell which is male and which is female?
do you have to stick your finger up it's tailpipe? or did lord byron have a stick shift?
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