what's his face and i at the anchor last night

his phone rings for the fifth time since we've sat down. he flips it open with a smile, cutting me off mid sentence.

"hey. whats goin on miss?.." he asks the mystery girl.

"can't you tell them not to call so damn much?" I ask, purposely loud, hoping whoever it is can hear me.

he looks up, annoyed."...yeah...but hey, can i call you back in a little bit?...yeah. alright. talk to you later." he tosses the phone back on the table. "i hate when you do that. i hated it when we were dating, too."

"yeah, i know... so who was it?"

"tara." *

i swirl the spoon around in my coffee, "you know, she calls a lot more than just a friend would."

he starts to deny it, then looks down, a little embarrassed. "i'd be an ass if i said she doesn't have a crush on me."

"yeah?"

"she told me one night."

"hmm... and you?"

"she's a sweetheart. and she's cute."

"bullshit. she's sweet as pie and gorgeous. or have runway models become hideous chuds?"

he smiles. "yeah, she is fucking gorgeous."

"where as i am only sweet, right?"

"sweet as spun sugar. except for when you're being a bitch."

i settle back in my seat and light a cigarette. through the exhale of smoke i ask, "so are you trying to date her?"

"i don't know. she might just have a crush and not be interested, or maybe she is... i guess i need to talk to her." he lights his cigarette.

"well... if you do decide to date, actually date, her... you and i won't exist."

"so, would i be taking the other room?"

i play with the stack of empty creamers, picking my way through the thoughts in my head. "For the purpose of me moving on, i think it would be best if you found somewhere else to live."

"hm. that does weight heavily in my decision."

"it wasn't meant to be an ultimatum."

"i know."

"ok. good. so why don't you?"

"why don't i what?"

"date her."

"because i don't want to leave that apartment. it's gonna look amazing when it's done. and we work well together."

i scoff. "you stay because of an apartment and how well we work together?"

"that's not what i..." he flicks the filter of his cigarette angrily. "sometimes i think i'm a little too honest with you. can we talk about something else?"

"yeah."

the rest of the conversation is swallowed by our intent evesdropping on another table. two men and a woman, apparently trading roommate horror stories.

"he was digusting! he would eat the weirdest shit. more out of laziness than anything else. he used to make these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, except, instead of putting one on one slice and another on another slice, he'd mix the two together and slap it on a single piece."

guy two asks, "What like the Goober stuff?"

guy one: "yeah, but he'd make his own. he'd dump out half the peanut butter, fill the jar the rest of the way with the jelly and mix it up! it would turn into this grey greasy mess, then he'd put the jar in the fridge and leave it there for weeks until it became crystalized on top and begin to separate."

"oh that's gross. i knew this guy in college who had bunk beds, right? and he'd spread peanut butter on pieces of bread and stick them to the bottom of the top bunk so in the middle of the night he could just reach up, peel one off, and eat it."

the girl pipes in, "do you remember the cat he had?"

"oh god! this cat, ok?, was not neutered..."

after fifteen minutes of listening to stories of neglected cats, piss in beer bottles, and crusty bathrobes, what's his face asks if i'm ready to go.

"sure. you got the tip?"

"yeah."

and we head home.



*is not her real name. or maybe it is. or maybe i want you to think it's her name when it's not so you'll question whether it is her name and drive yourself mad trying to figure it out.

or maybe i just couldn't think of something non-derogatory to call her.

hi

thanks for stopping by.

i'm a little nervous (this being my first time and all) so please be gentle. i know i'm not very good but hopefully with a little practice, i'll get better.

i realize the first post is traditionally where people write witty things about themselves and why they're starting a blog to encourage people to come back but that's not me. sorry.

i'm starting a blog because i work in the billing department of an immigration law firm and periodically have long stretches of time with nothing to do. so, i'll write about the unimportant nuances of my day. and if you like it, and find reading this to be just a wonderful addition to your day, then please, come back, comment, and let me know that you find me as hilarious as i do. and if not, piss off.